Jackass Stunts Should Not Be Reenacted
by venom with love
Summary: When Emmett talks Edward into reenacting a stunt from Jackass, Edward gets hurt. How will Bella....nurse him back to health? All Human. Lemon one-shot.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, but I **_**do**_** have a jar of dirt.**

**Bella's P.O.V.**

Have you ever felt the urge to just pick up a heavy object and heave it at someone? I did, and that person just so happened to be sitting across from me. The only thing separating us was a small table. Hmm, I could climb over it, couldn't I?

Said person noticed my hands clenching and my face becoming scarlet in anger. He laughed nervously before trying to plead his case once more.

"Come on, Bells, you've got to admit that we did do an awesome stunt." He said in a hushed, frantic voice. Oh, it was a good stunt alright. It just shouldn't have included_ my _boyfriend. The boyfriend that was currently getting stitches in three different parts of his body and his right arm getting a cast while this dumbass across from me had not one scratch on him.

"Do you honestly think I liked watching Edward get thrown out of a golf cart because you idiots wanted to reenact a _Jackass_ moment? Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kick the shit out of you, Emmett." My tone was lethal. Hey, I could be a bitch if I wanted to be. Especially if it concerned my Edward. Maybe that's why a lot of people call me intimidating. I really didn't see it. I mean, if you look between Emmett and I, who do you think is scarier looking? Not me, that's for sure.

"Noooo." He dragged out the syllable. Idiot probably couldn't even come up with a real excuse other than 'dude, it was epic!' Douche bag.

He snapped his fingers together as he finally came up with one. I swear I could see steam coming from his head. Poor, overworked brain. "Because, I'm your boyfriend's brother _and_ you'll have to answer to Rosalie." He leaned back with a smirk. As if I was scared of the Barbie. Hell, she'd probably help me.

"I could take her, you big oaf. If it wasn't for the fact that your dad and my boyfriend are down the hall, Edward getting stitched up I might add, then I would be throwing some serious-" Carlisle appeared at the door with an amused expression, alerting us to his presence by not-so-subtly clearing his throat.

"I think there will be time for Bella boxing later. My latest," He grimaced at Emmett before turning back to me. "Patient is done getting his battle wounds patched up. You can go in and see him, Bella. He's in his room." I gave him a grateful smile before getting out of my seat quickly. I shot one last, scathing look at Emmett. I was going to have to deal with him later.

Right now, I had an even bigger idiot to nurse back to health. If it wasn't for the stitches and cast, I probably would have killed him for being so reckless. Really, who the hell thinks it's a good idea to do something they saw on television? I guess my idiot is that person. I still don't understand why he would go along with a plan from _Emmett _of all people.

I slid into his room quietly and glanced over at his bed where he lay peacefully.

"Edward." I hissed. His eyes snapped over to mine and flickered with fear. Good. Fucker should be afraid for making me worry so damn much.

"Bella....I-I'm sensing some hostility here." He mumbled, trying to evade the angriness rolling off of me in thick waves. That only made me angrier.

"Oh, really? I could name a few other emotions going through me." I snapped, but still sat down on the bed next to him. I got a closer look at the stitches adorning his forehead, upper left thigh, and right above his cast. I felt my anger resolve at seeing him so broken. He was paler than usually and sallow bruises were forming all over his beautiful body.

Okay, maybe I was a softie. Only for Edward, though. I do love him after all. I bit back a small sob that had been forming ever since Emmett had called me, telling about their little mishap. I felt a single tear roll down my face. My fingers traced the stitches on his forehead, brushing some of his silky, bronze hair away so that I could see his emerald eyes.

"Come here, Bella." I gladly snuggled into his uninjured side, careful not to jostle him too much. His good arm wrapped around my shoulders, pulling me closer to him. I buried my face into his chest, taking in his manly, dazzling smell.

"Don't you dare scare me like that again or I'll fucking castrate you." I mumbled into his shirt. He placed a gentle kiss on top of my head. I sniffed a little, my tears stopping altogether.

"I won't, I promise, love." He whispered soothingly. I picked my head up and leaned down to give him a gentle kiss on the lips. I heard him sigh in delight and I pressed further before pulling back.

He smiled at me and brushed some of my hair behind my ear before speaking again. "You know, there is one way that could....heal me faster." He smirked before chuckling a bit. His fingers were tracing soft circles on my hip. I shivered at his lithe, piano fingers ghosting over my skin.

I smacked his chest lightly and he snatched my hand up in his and kissed my knuckles. Oh, he was good. He let his teeth drag across my skin in just the right way before darting his tongue out. He knew I had a hot spot for vamps. Sneaky bastard.

"Need a naughty nurse to give you a sponge bath, eh?" I teased him. His mouth worked its way up my arm, leaving a blazing trail behind it. He would leave a small love bite here or there that would cause me to whimper in need.

"How 'bout a cowgirl to ride me." He countered. "Seriously, I think sex would be the best medicine for me." The words were muffled by the skin of my forearm. I wiggled out of his grasp and jumped off of the bed and away from his protests.

"Come on, it was a joke, Bella." He whined from across the room.

"Silly Eddie, I was just locking the door; I wouldn't _dare_ deprive you of your sex. We don't need to give Emmett another peep show like last time." I confirmed that by flicking the lock and marching back over so that I was in front of his bed. Edward was pouting, lifting his good arm up to beckon me back over to him.

I shook my head slightly and trailed a finger over my lips with a sigh. "Nope. I think I'll stay over here and give you a nice....show." I murmured as I let my finger slip down to the front of my blouse, toying with the small buttons.

"But I like taking your clothes off." He whined. He struggled to push himself up into a sitting position. I almost laughed when he fell back with a huff.

"Oh yeah, that's right, laugh at the crippled guy that just wants to get a look at his gorgeous girlfriend." He muttered in embarrassment. I shook my head, still laughing, as I made my way back over to the bed. I climbed back into it and crawled over to him. His good hand shot out to wrap around my waist, pulling me back against his chest. So much so that I was basically on top of him all the way.

"Well, it _is_ your fault. I didn't tell you to drive that golf cart over that stupid ramp, dumbass." I said, only half joking. I pushed myself up and placed my knees on either side of his hips. He was only in his boxers, making it easier for me to feel his large length press into me. I anchored my hands to his shoulders and rocked my hips a few times. His own large hands came up and grasped my hips, firmly cementing me to him. I threw my head back as I felt him grow harder under me and I became wetter.

"Fuck, Bella. I fucking love when you're on top." He said in a strained voice. I all but ripped the buttons off of my shirt in a wild haste. My blouse billowed open and Edward eagerly took in the sight of me in my flimsy, black bra.

"You....only like it because you love seeing my boobs bounce when I ride you." I gasped when one of his hands left my hips and came up to cup my right breast gently. He gave it a slight squeeze, causing me to squeak, before reaching around to the back in search of the clasp. I laughed at his frustrated expression when he didn't find it.

"Dammit." He mumbled. I guided his hands to the middle of my breasts and he popped the clasp like a professional. My bra slipped down my shoulders, but I caught it, sufficiently blocking my mounds from his viewing pleasure.

"Come on, your patient is in need of some healing." He protested. Aww, Sexually Frustrated Edward is a cutie. I rolled my eyes and pressed down on him a little more before letting my bra fall off all the way and flinging it off the bed.

"Hmm, I don't know. I mean, I don't think I should be riding you in your condition, dear patient of mine." I teased him. He growled at me before pulling me down so that his face was firmly planted in my cleavage. His nose traveled over the sensitive, overheated flesh before he captured one of the tight buds in his mouth. I cried out in rapture and arched into him. He took the opportunity to take in more of my flesh, making me shiver with delight. His hand snaked down under my ass and he pushed me further into his erection.

"Oh, sweet-Fuck!" I shrieked when his teeth clamped down over my nipple. His tongue flicked out and I knew he had drawn blood. See, I really love vamps.

"Sorry." He muttered as he released me. I took a minute to let his perfect face dazzle me. I'd have to say that my favorite facial feature was his oh so talented mouth at this moment.

"Don't.....be." I calmed him. My hands crawled under his shirt, relishing the feel of his rock hard abs and chest. My fingers danced along his skin and I smirked whenever his muscles clenched. I caught the hem and pulled it up quickly. He leaned up enough so that I could slip it off. My eyes drank in the sight of his chiseled, pale chest. I always loved the fact that he never seemed to have single piece of hair on his chest. His face was flushed in excitement and mine was probably identical.

His hands worked their way down to my jeans. I felt the button pop open and his fingers drag the zipper down slowly. I growled at him for taking his sweet time; torturing me relentlessly.

"Just getting a little revenge for teasing me." He laughed. _I'll show him revenge._ I breathed in a calming breath before raising my body up into a full standing position. I heard a sharp intake of breath come from him and I smirked. His eyes widened and he took the time to rip his boxers off, revealing his hard cock to me. My tongue snaked out hungrily at the sight of him fully naked. There would be time for a long taste later. Right now, I just needed to have him fuck me.

I made a show of gyrating my hips as I danced out of my jeans. I felt his hands creep up my calves and come to rest on my knees, giving them a slight squeeze.

"God, I love you. You're so damn beautiful." He whispered as I dropped back down into a straddling position on his stomach. "What, no underwear today? Was it laundry day?"

"Actually...yes. Sorry I didn't have another thong to add to your collection. Seriously, you have more of my underwear than I do." I muttered. I pushed my arousal all over his stomach, eliciting a strangled groan from him.

I felt his body shake with chuckles as he laughed at me. It felt like heaven having the vibrations hit my drenched center. I whimpered slightly at the new sensation.

"Dang. I needed a new sling shot, the other one broke." My mouth dropped open and I slapped a hand over his chest lightly.

"You use my underwear for target practice?" I crossed my arms over my chest, knowing that it would push my boobs up more. He bit his lip as he fought to keep his eyes on my face. He gave up with a huff and removed my hands from my chest and covered one of my breasts with his hand. I lifted my hips so that I was hovering over his completely erect manhood and he took over by grasping my hips and pulling me down. I threw my head back and nearly screamed when he filled me up to the brink. My fingernails dug into his shoulders harsh enough to entice a hiss out of him.

"Oh fuck, you.....you can use them anytime....." I managed to pant out as we set a slow pace together. His body was shaking under me, clearly needing to go faster. He wrapped his arms around my back and slowly pushed himself up so that he was in a sitting position. I whimpered when only the head was still in me. He thrusted upwards so that he back inside me fully. The new position caused him to hit that sweet spot and white dots clouded my vision. My knees were firmly planted on either side of him, sinking into the bed.

My arms wrapped around his neck as we continued to move together, quickly gaining a faster pace. I made sure to move the top half of my body in a seductive manner and was rewarded when he came forward to lay a trail of butterfly kisses across the tops of my breasts. He let his tongue dart out and trace over my collarbone, working his way up my neck before capturing my lips in a searing kiss. I moaned into his mouth when he started toying with my clit. His fingers pinched, pulled, and rubbed just the way I liked it and he knew it too.

I tightened my arms and clenched my inner muscles around him. He groaned into my mouth and worked his hand more vigorously. I could feel the pleasure bubbling inside of my lower abdomen, ready to burst at any moment.

His tongue eased into to my open mouth, gently massaging the roof of my mouth and my tongue. He pinched my tender bud with his fingers and I nearly lost it. My hips rocked faster, taking him in deeper and harder. My knees were starting to ache because of the pressure, but I couldn't find it in me to care. His hands came back down to my hips so that he could move us faster. His own hips were moving frantically and I knew he close too. One hand cupped my ass again so I could take him deeper.

I felt my breathing quicken as I came closer and closer to the edge. The sound of skin slapping together and our labored breathing was erotic and it drove me to the brink of insane bliss. My head lulled back and my face scrunched up as a mind-blowing orgasm rocked my system. Edward's hands tightened his grasp before he spilled into me.

He slid us down so that we were lying on the bed again. I whimpered a bit when we were no longer connected. I laid my head on his chest that was slick with sweat. I trailed my fingers across his strong chest before resting my hand lightly over his heart. Said heart was beating erratically under my hand. Mine was probably in the same condition.

"I love you." I murmured before burying my face into him. His arms came to wrap around me again and I felt the hardness of his cast scratch my arm slightly. One of his hands clasped around the one I had on his chest.

"I love you too, Bella." I pulled the comforter around us as I closed my eyes. He started humming my lullaby for a few minutes, effectively lulling me to sleep.

Before I fell into a peaceful nap, I heard him chuckle to himself.

"Hmm, I think we _both_ need a sponge bath now. Oh, and you're right, I do love seeing your boobs bounce." Okay, so I would have to deal with him later too.

...

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**A.N: Feel free to chew me out for not updating MDS; I thoroughly deserve it. BUT, I do have the next chapter done as of tonight. And tonight I will revise it, email it to my beta, and post it by Wednesday (Thursday at the latest). Sorry to everyone that I promised to have it out weeks ago, but things came up. **

**Tell me what you think of this one-shot! Oh, and just to see who is a fan of the movie where this next question comes from:**

**What is the answer to life, the universe, and everything? Answer in your review! Random, I know.**

**Love,**

**ThankYouForTheVenom08**


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